Monday, July 21, 2008

Handling Petty Guilt



Understanding Shame and Guilt



Every so often, we feel guilty about a lot of things: about not spending time with our loved ones, about not contributing financially to the household, etc. The problem is, more often than not, most of us unconsciously flail ourselves with feelings of guilt.


Psychologists opine that guilt is important in keeping people from hurting others. However, false guilt, which happens after you’ve tried to make reparations, or if you are feeling guilty for things you have no control of, can be self-destructive. This kind of guilt can be very distressing and can weaken your immune system. As a result, you can be more susceptible to illness.


Here are ways to get rid of those pesky feelings:


1) Instead of wallowing from guilt, make up for the times you let someone down.


2) Learn from your mistakes. We cannot change the past, so let’s move forward.


3) Accept the fact that we have weaknesses and that we don’t have control over everything that happens around us.


4) Deal with emotional manipulation. A lot of us have people in our lives who can manipulate us into feeling guilty. Let’s deal with them. First, identify the “guilt buttons.” These are the things you’re insecure about, such as work or appearance. Second, identify the people who can push those buttons—and take the power away from them. Do not let them run your life unnecessarily. Like, do not make an officemate make you feel guilty about the promotion you deserve. If it’s not your fault that she didn’t get the recognition, then there is no reason to feel responsible. Guilt-stricken people hide from their success because they feel they don’t deserve it. Stop this self-defeating habit. Keep in mind that as long as you play fair, your success doesn’t cause others to fail. Third, decide you’re going to be the one in charge of your life — don’t let false guilt rule you. Talk about the guilt out in the open. By laughing at it with other people, you’ll realize how trivial it is.


5) Do the best you can but keep in mind that you’re not super human, so if you fail…learn to forgive yourself.


6) Lastly, if you find yourself being haunted by your past, confront it. Bravely facing what has been haunting you rather than running away from it will help you deal with the present and banish old memories that are pulling you down. Afterwards, count your blessings and forgive yourself for your mistakes. Ask for forgiveness from others and forgive them as well so that you will no longer carry the burden of what had happened.

Condensed from January 1998 Reader’s Digest article entitled Stop Feeling So Guilty by Beth Levine



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